So as it is Christmas my Resolution for this years is like many others to get absolutely plastered
You may stand in my way but that won’t make a blind bit of difference, because you don’t owe me as my ex thinks because he was born a prick and hasn’t changed a bit
When I think of Chrimbo I think of Santas Fat arse trying to get down my chimney that is blocked off, so god knows how he gonna get in
I do still leave out a mince pie and milk, but I know who ends up eating that for real, either me or one of my dogs
I don’t have family that I am close too, so get drunk with friends who are my family and take advantage of someone else doing the cookng, I am no Delia Smith and never planned to be, if I end up having a TV Christmas dinner then so be it, no gigs for this year so it is make do with what I got and will be back out there in the new year
I have been sent some gags from fans and there is one that stands out, There was once an old man with one eye and a little girl asks, “Can I ask why you have one eye?” and he replied “Because I am left handed and so write what I see, fuck all”.
You see even my fans have good jokes and I do like to read these out, so if you see me next year remember to cheer and yes I will die my hair as I loved changing my image each year, so I feel fresh and new, and I will be bringing out DVD, so watch this space and lets get absolutely rat arsed and merry and seeing you write to me leading up to Christmas makes up my year.
Merry Christmas my fello jokers and I will see you next year beaming with cheer!